How the Iran Nuclear Agreement
Made Donald Trump Top Dog

 By Jim Berlin

How is it possible that a poll of Republican primary voters has Donald Trump – a Neanderthal Man in a suit – leading the entire pack of presidential contenders?

To understand the extremes of politics and politicians, picture yourself in front of a grandfather clock as the pendulum swings left to right, right to left…

At the end of the arc, the instant the pretty brass disc runs out of gas – that’s when it’s the weakest. So back it swings, strength and momentum peaking in the middle then diminishing again as it heads for the other edge.

The closer a politician gets to the end of the arc, whether left or right, the less he appeals to mainstream voters as time goes by.

Barack Obama operates on the hard left of the pendulum’s swing. Even worse, as the first president in U.S. history with little or no love for America, most of his decisions are predicated on a desire to right the perceived wrongs of the nation he leads. That is why – in hopes they will forgive the storekeeper – he is willing to give away the store when dealing with foreign countries.

But then along came the nuclear agreement with Iran, literally signed while that nation’s leaders were marching in Tehran and chanting “Death to America!”

This was the final straw for many Republicans, and just as it was placed on the elephant’s back – here was another poll asking who they favored for president.

Donald Trump is as opposite as one politician can be from Barack Obama. He loves America without reservation, doesn’t give a damn whether his words give offense, and would not apologize to his own mother if he accidentally ran her down with his car.

The elephant with the broken back crawled over to Donald Trump and put him in the lead — but the honeymoon is temporary. Eventually the billionaire’s mouth will take him where no Republican will care or dare to go.

Trump will soon be gone. Tick-tock.

 

Confederate Flag Came Down…
South Carolina Came Up

By Jim Berlin

In the end it took the execution of nine black Christians by a white racist psychopath. But at 10 a.m. today the Confederate battle flag ceased to fly over South Carolina’s capitol grounds.

Some believe that passage of the flag-removal bill by the state legislature and Gov. Nikki Haley is to be greatly admired – a nostalgic farewell to a proud past for the greater moral good. It’s better than that…

Every day South Carolina flew the Confederate flag – it made a damn fool of itself.

The Civil War ended 150 years ago, but it began when South Carolina (where half of the families owned slaves) became the first state to secede from the Union. It was all downhill after that…

In defense of 46,000 plantation owners and four million blacks in bondage, young Southern men and boys embarked on the greatest bloodbath in American history. Before or since.

When it was over, 620,000 soldiers in uniforms of blue and grey never came home again.

But like molten metal the country slowly flowed together again. In a sad string of conflicts since 1865 – two world wars, Vietnam, Korea, Iraq and Afghanistan – citizens from the North and South fought shoulder-to-shoulder like the brothers and sisters we are.

Out of two sides came one, even stronger than before.

Today South Carolina ran its Confederate flag down the capitol pole and shipped it off to a museum.

That’s the only place it belongs.

Obama’s Soul-Brother Eulogy:
Fried Chicken & Collard Greens

 By Jim Berlin 

Until the very end of President Obama’s eulogy for Rev. Clementa Pinckney, the South Carolina preacher killed by a white psychopath, everything was sadly predictable. Barack milked all the political udders to call for more gun control and tell us racism is ripe and rampant in America:

“It’s why Johnny gets called back for a second interview,” he said, “but Jamal does not.” (Don’t bother asking for the last names of Johnny or Jamal; he made the story up.)

But then the president got weird. In an awkward attempt to prove his soul-brother chops (I got rhythm, baby), Barack began singing “Amazing Grace”…

Amazing Grace, how sweet the sound,
That saves a wretch like me…
I once was lost, but now am found,
Was blind but now I see…

Unfortunately, the white boy in his genes overrode the rhythm and Mr. Obama went
flat and off-key by the third line. The emperor has no chops.

In fact his shot at crooning like a soul brother was as off-key as his entire

approach to the eulogy. Rather than coming before the mourners as the leader of the most ethnically-diverse country on Earth, he reached into The Great Melting Pot – and pulled out the fried chicken and collard greens.

He came before the mourners and the nation as a Black man first — the president second.

That’s not his job description. To paraphrase “Amazing Grace”…

He once was lost, and is still not found,
Was blind, and still can’t see.

Pope’s Next Encyclical To Offer
Kinky Sex Tips for Catholics

 By Jim Berlin

Imagine yourself on a New Orleans balcony overlooking Bourbon Street during Mardi Gras. Now rear back and hurl a rock into that drunken wave of humanity below…

Whoever you hit with that rock will know as much about global warming as Pope Francis.

The difference is that Francis, spiritual head of 16 percent of the world’s inhabitants, just issued an encyclical (fancy-ass letter) blaming humans and their fossil fuels for global warming.

The pope’s condemnation of coal, oil and natural gas – the economic life’s blood of every advanced nation – has upset even some Catholics. As they point out, the church belief in papal infallibility only applies to pronouncements on faith and morals.

Global warming is neither of those, which means the pope’s opinion on the subject carries no more weight than that of our Mardi Gras drunk.

Still, the pontiff is to be admired for tackling any issue, religious or not, which he considers important to mankind. This week he called all Catholic manufacturers

of guns and weapons “hypocrites,” and is reportedly close to issuing another encyclical – this one intended to strengthen heterosexual marriages.

Vatican spokesman Rev. Joe Metuzzio said the title of the fancy-ass letter will be, “The Pope Francis Guide to Red-Hot Kinky Catholic Sex.”

“His Eminence has never personally experienced red-hot kinky sex,” Rev. Metuzzio said, “but years of hearing confessions have taught him all he needs to know.”

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