By Jim Berlin
Bruce Jenner has six kids by three wives, is worth $100 million, has loaded up on estrogen while having his Adam’s apple shaved, is considering having his testicles cut off and his penis transformed into a vagina and told us to call him Caitlyn when he came out as “a woman.”
And God help anyone who suggests there’s something funny about it.
God help me. I think it’s funny.
Bruce, Bruce, Bruce…If you want to spend your last decade or so on Earth as a woman, sort of, have at it. But why all the publicity? Why the cover photo on Vanity Fair as a glamour girl?
If it’s all that personal and sacred and important, why not just shut up and do it?
You want to spend your last few years as a woman? Hell, I’d like to spend my last few years as an African lion. A male African lion, which would allow me to keep my balls and my whanger.
I could even put on a lion suit and get on the cover of some magazine and tell the world, “Call me Leo – Leo the Lion.”
But I’m not gonna do that, Bruce, because I’m not a friggin’ African lion! I’m a human male with human male genitals and no matter how much I spend on the lion suit, nobody is going to call me Leo and really mean it.
What they’ll call me is a silly old man who should sit down and shut up and live out his life in the costume God gave him.
That’s what you should have done, too.
By Jim Berlin
Except for a fleeting fascination at age 12 with “the gorilla woman” in a circus sideshow, I’ve always been more attracted to women who shave their legs, underarms and – when necessary – their backs.
The thing with people, however, is that we always go too far: Fully 50 percent of young women and young men said in a recent survey that they also remove or radically trim their pubic hair. (To limit damage to the gene pool I hope these men and women mate exclusively with one another.)
Humans may be at the top of the intellectual and food chains, but our animal roots are undeniable. We are going to have some hair, and our pubic area is as good a place as any to display it.
But did we stop with hair? Oh, hell no.
What began as an innocent and fairly ancient desire for whiter teeth has become an absurd obsession.
There are people, particularly in TV news and entertainment, who nearly blind us
when they open their mouths. It is as if the sun lives in their stomachs and rises in their throats, back-lighting and illuminating their choppers in an unearthly glow.
Their teeth have become cartoons.
We always go too far.
By Jim Berlin
Barack and Michelle Obama had the best opportunity in U.S. history to erase some of the last vestiges of distrust between black and white Americans.
But…not only did they fail to maintain even the status quo, they managed to rip the scar tissue from old wounds and start the bleeding all over again.
The First Lady’s recent commencement speech at all-black Tuskegee University was typical of the grenades she and her husband have tossed into race relations. Instead of focusing on congratulating the students and celebrating the bright world that awaits them, she urged them to overcome the “daily stings” they will suffer for their blackness – the same “daily stings” she and Barack have suffered “throughout our lives.”
One has to ask: Michelle, who exactly is stinging you every day of your life for being black? The Secret Service that risks life and limb to protect you? Your personal White House chefs and housekeepers? The crew of Air Force One as they fly you on sightseeing trips around the world?
For his part, the president has linked arms
with professional race-baiter Al Sharpton, who has been invited to the White House more than 70 times. Together they have helped paint normal police-criminal confrontations in places like Ferguson, Baltimore and New York City as evidence of police-gone-wild against blacks.
Barack and Michelle are bright people, so I can only surmise they are working to widen the gap between the races for reasons both personal and political.
Their real motives may never be known, but the opportunity they wasted and betrayed is a monumental shame. And another lesson in the danger of electing someone to the presidency we know nothing about.
By Jim Berlin
Since announcing her presidential candidacy April 12th (not in person, but with a slick video), Hillary Clinton has avoided the press like a bank robber running from the law. She has refused to answer any
question about anything
Her silence on national issues and personal controversies doesn’t bother those referred to as “low-information voters” (dummies). Most low-information voters live on the public udder, the milk pumped into their little birdie mouths by Democrats in exchange for loyalty on election day.
And loyal they are. If a video were to surface showing Mrs. Clinton choking a little dog to death with one hand while slapping an infant silly with the other – all the while screaming “I hate puppies and babies and hope they all die!” – the dummies would still vote for Hillary.
And so will Democrats with brain cells similar to those entombed in the skull of Nancy Pelosi. Just as she told her colleagues they would have to pass Obamacare to find out what’s in it, they will vote for Hillary just to find out what’s inside her head.
Unfortunately for candidate Clinton, Republicans, independents and Democrats who are neither dummies or Pelosi-brained
are going to require Hillary to actually answer questions sooner or later.
Even The New York Times, which has carried the Clintons’ water like a Bedouin camel for 25 years, has begun satirizing her for acting like a surly teenage girl pouting in her bedroom.
You can run, Hillary, but if you want to be president of these United States…you can’t hide.