President Fails to Show Up At
“Presidential News Conference”

 By Jim Berlin

The only thing presidential about Barack Obama’s news conference Friday was that some networks called it a “presidential news conference.”

Obama came across as a tired and subdued middle-aged man treading water in a sea of self-pity: Despite his unceasing efforts to move the country forward, all his plans and dreams have been derailed at every turn in the track by “House Republicans.”

I suspect on his death bed decades from now, Barack will waste a few of his final precious breaths condemning “House Republicans” for his failed presidency.

In American history, where a president ends up on the scale of lousy to great is almost solely determined by whether he can convince and cajole the opposition into getting things done. It is the art of diplomacy and compromise, a balancing act of projecting the power of the pulpit with at least the appearance of humility and good intentions.

Nothing in Barack Obama’s work experience

prior to the White House required diplomacy or compromise. And nothing since has convinced him he needs them now.

His idea of “reaching across the aisle” is to lean over and slap someone.

So what we get is a presidential news conference with no real president in attendance.

Just a tired middle-aged man who can’t get anything done – and may never know the reason why.

Obama Smokes Pot, Shoots Pool
While Border Crisis Escalates

 By Jim Berlin

The photos of President Obama shooting pool and pounding beers in a bar with Colorado Gov. Hickenlooper (his real name) while the Texas border is awash in illegal immigrants only told half the story.

Marijuana is legal in Colorado, and an employee of the tavern said Obama and Hickenlooper (his real name) quietly stepped outside and smoked some weed after downing several beers apiece.

“It was the president’s idea,” said bartender Estelle Easypour. “He obviously had a buzz on and he whispered to the governor, ‘Hey, Hick, you got grass?’ Hickenlooper then took Mr. Obama by the elbow and they slipped out the back door.”

Before being shooed away by Secret Service agents, witnesses said Hickenlooper (his real name) pulled a baggie and cigarette papers from his sock. Both men rolled their own and “rode the reefer” for about 10 minutes.

“When they came back inside,” Easypour said, “they were giggling and demanding popcorn, peanuts, hard-boiled eggs, whatever. They really had the munchies.”

When asked by reporters if he had indeed smoked marijuana, the president was defiant. “Sure, I burned one, I blasted a roach, I did a doobie – so what? I’ve got a lotta crap on my mind with all that immigrant stuff in Texas. Hey, you guys got enough pictures?”

The president then flew on Air Force One to Texas, but refused to visit the border. “I have no interest in photo ops,” he explained.

As usual, no one understood what the hell he was talking about.

How We Wound Up With
The Worst President Since WWII

By Jim Berlin

There’s a good reason why a recent poll showed one-third of Americans believe Barack Obama is the worst president since WWII. It’s because we have a president who thinks America is no better than any of the other 196 nations on earth.

He made that clear in 2009 when asked if he believed in America exceptionalism: “I believe in American exceptionalism, just as I suspect the Brits believe in British exceptionalism and the Greeks believe in Greek exceptionalism.”

In other words, we’re all just fooling ourselves.

But you can’t fool the feet. Since 2007 the Gallup Poll has been asking citizens of every country around the globe what nation they would move to if they could. Over 150 million picked the U.S.A., with Britain coming in a distant second with 45 million wannabes. The number who longed to become Greeks was only visible through a microscope.

So how did we wind up with a president who is un-enamored with the country he presides over? Quite simply, the national news media – almost 90 percent liberal – never bothered to check the man out. Like giggling teenage girls they were totally charmed by his race, smile, humor and mastery of the microphone. He was cool, and cool was good enough for government work.

So he was never vetted (investigated and scrutinized). Every current CEO of every Fortune 500 company has been more thoroughly vetted than Barack Obama. Every big-city police officer in the country has been more thoroughly vetted than Barack Obama.

To this day, the man is as foggy as a bathroom mirror.

But by their fruits you shall know them, and now we do: the first president in history who thinks America is no more exceptional than Greece.

Luis Suarez Embarrassed Us All:
Kick in Crotch More Civilized

 By Jim Berlin

Uruguay’s star soccer player Luis Suarez has been suspended from the World Cup and globally chastised for biting an Italian opponent during a game this week. It was the third time he has bitten another player, leading some to suggest he may have a character flaw.

I believe Suarez – which in Spanish means “I will eat your flesh, Italian dog” – is being unfairly singled out for scorn and punishment. None of his victims has been seriously injured and Luis has tested negative for rabies after every incident.

Where Suarez went wrong (in addition to committing the deed while millions watched) is that he used his teeth rather than a foot, hand or elbow to inflict punishment. Feet and hands, not to mention guns, knives and missile launchers, are acceptable implements of aggression in modern society.

Teeth, and in particular biting, are not.

Biting is an embarrassing holdover of an inconvenient truth we humans seek to avoid at all costs: our primitive animal roots. When it’s time to kill, eat, or defend one’s turf, biting

is the weapon of choice for almost all the lesser species on the planet.

We like to think we’re above and beyond all that. But then along comes Luis Suarez, victim of some vestigial DNA screaming out from thousands of years back, and in an instant he reminds us we’re just a blink away on the cosmic time scale from biting the hell out of somebody.

If Luis had kicked that Italian in the crotch – which would have been far more injurious – he would still be playing in the World Cup today.

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