Hillary Disputes CNN Poll:
“I Am Not a Horse’s Ass!”

 By Jim Berlin

In one of her rare press conferences Friday, Hillary Clinton snippily told reporters something they’d never heard before: When called upon they would be “entitled to only one question.” Not two, not three, and certainly no follow-ups.

In a related matter, 99.5 percent of respondents to a national poll released Thursday said they considered Hillary “a total horse’s ass.” The CNN poll posed the following question:

“Do you think Hillary Clinton is (a) a total horse’s ass, (b) kind of a horse’s ass, or (c) obnoxious, but not quite a horse’s ass?

CNN information director Joe Metuzzio said 38 percent of those polled actually identified themselves as Hillary-supporters.

“What they told us,” Metuzzio said, was “Yes, she is a total horse’s ass, but she is our horse’s ass.”

Former president Bill Clinton, located in a different time zone and hundreds of miles away from his wife, quickly came to her defense: “I can assure you,” he said, “when Hillary and I hung out together in the late 90s she was not a total horse’s ass. But I can

also assure you, I have not had sexual relations with that woman.”

When informed of the CNN poll, a visibly angry Mrs. Clinton told journalists she would entitle a single reporter to ask her a single question about the subject at her next press conference.

“We’ll just see who’s the horse’s ass!” she shouted, her face reddening and spittle forming on her lips. “You lousy bunch of punks!”