Second Coming of Christ
Eclipsed by Pitt-Jolie Wedding

 by Jim Berlin

On Friday my local newspaper, which includes sections of USA Today, celebrated the secret marriage of Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie with two articles and eight pictures of the couple scattered over three pages. (Another breaking story, the Second Coming of Christ, was buried on the back page with a tiny photo of Jesus sitting on a cloud.)

The publishers of one-size-fits-all USA Today can be silly but they’re not stupid. They know a large portion of their audience cries out for Brangelina news with a desperation equal to baby birds begging for worms. And what could be juicier than the super-couple pulling off a secret wedding at their $65 million mansion in the south of France?

Frankly, I don’t get the worship of Hollywood celebrities because there’s nothing to get. Actors make their living by bringing to life the words and actions dictated by a screenplay produced by someone else.

Actors don’t set the scene. Actors don’t write the dialogue. Actors simply act.

You can teach a parrot to say “E equals MC squared,” but he’s not going to build an atomic

bomb anytime soon. He’s not even going to read any of the USA Today page lining the bottom of his cage.

He will simply poop on it.

Everything suggests Brad and Angelina are really nice people, and if they moved into my neighborhood I would invite them over for BBQ. But if Angie called to say they couldn’t make it, I would have to respond in the manner of Rhett Butler to Scarlett O’Hara in Gone With the Wind:

Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.