Hillary Clinton Groped Me
…My Nightmare in the Sky

By Jim Berlin

Nothing is more painful for a man than to admit he was the victim of female sexual assault, but I can remain silent no longer: In 1980 on an airliner somewhere over Arkansas, I was forcibly groped by the current Democratic nominee for president.

Traveling in my police uniform on official business, I’d been bumped to first class in Atlanta by a kindly desk agent who said her son was also a cop. An hour later we briefly stopped in Little Rock, Arkansas, and a woman in her early 30s took the empty seat next to mine.

I quickly introduced myself, but she hesitated before replying: “I’m, ahh, Pillory,” she said. “Pillory Minton.” The nightmare had begun…

I fell asleep immediately after takeoff – only to be jolted awake sometime later by a violent tugging on my…well, that private and sacred organ beneath my belt buckle. I think you know what I mean.

Pillory, wild-eyed and sweating, had covered us with a blanket and was muttering “Hot-diggety-dog, hot-diggety-dog!” as she went vigorously about her sordid business.

“What the hell are you doing?” I managed. “Shut up, big boy!” she hissed. “I love a man in uniform and I just can’t help myself!”

Bewildered, confused, I refastened my zipper, flung the blanket aside and stumbled from first class in search of a flight attendant.

“You don’t look well, sir. Are you all right?”

hillary-clinton-ugly

“That woman next to me, Pillory Minton, she just…”

“Oh, you mean Hillary Clinton, the First Lady of Arkansas. She’s the governor’s wife.”

Oh, what to do, what to do? Who were they going to believe – an ordinary cop or the First Lady of Arkansas? Trembling, traumatized, I took a seat in coach for the rest of the flight.

When we deplaned in Miami, Hillary Clinton caught my eye, put a finger to her lips, then passed the finger over her throat in a cutting motion.

Believe me: I got the message.

Hillary Disputes CNN Poll:
“I Am Not a Horse’s Ass!”

 By Jim Berlin

In one of her rare press conferences Friday, Hillary Clinton snippily told reporters something they’d never heard before: When called upon they would be “entitled to only one question.” Not two, not three, and certainly no follow-ups.

In a related matter, 99.5 percent of respondents to a national poll released Thursday said they considered Hillary “a total horse’s ass.” The CNN poll posed the following question:

“Do you think Hillary Clinton is (a) a total horse’s ass, (b) kind of a horse’s ass, or (c) obnoxious, but not quite a horse’s ass?

CNN information director Joe Metuzzio said 38 percent of those polled actually identified themselves as Hillary-supporters.

“What they told us,” Metuzzio said, was “Yes, she is a total horse’s ass, but she is our horse’s ass.”

Former president Bill Clinton, located in a different time zone and hundreds of miles away from his wife, quickly came to her defense: “I can assure you,” he said, “when Hillary and I hung out together in the late 90s she was not a total horse’s ass. But I can

also assure you, I have not had sexual relations with that woman.”

When informed of the CNN poll, a visibly angry Mrs. Clinton told journalists she would entitle a single reporter to ask her a single question about the subject at her next press conference.

“We’ll just see who’s the horse’s ass!” she shouted, her face reddening and spittle forming on her lips. “You lousy bunch of punks!”