LeBron James Endorses Clinton:
Murphy the Cat Picks Trump

By Jim Berlin

Thousands of basketball fans who didn’t know whether to vote for Hillary or Donald had the issue settled for them this week: NBA superstar LeBron James officially endorsed Mrs. Clinton because she “truly understands the struggles of an Akron child born into poverty.” Yes. He really said that.

While this is good news for Democrats, I have great news for Republicans: There are far more cat-lovers than basketball fans in America, and my cat, Murphy, has officially endorsed Donald Trump for president.

Murphy, who is easily as smart as LeBron and more politically astute, has communicated his choice through unmistakable body language. We watch all the news shows together, and whenever Hillary comes on the screen Murphy leaps from his perch and races to his litter box.

He then poops.

Contrast this to when Donald Trump appears on TV: Murphy purrs a fair rendition of the national anthem — then presses his cheek to the screen in a joyful

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display of affection and support. It is quite a moving thing to witness.

So…if you are one of America’s PHB’s (Pitiful Human Beings) who is swayed by how others vote – you have a hard choice: Do you go with LeBron James, who sure can dunk a basketball?

Or do you go with Murphy the Cat, who, as I said, is easily as smart as LeBron and surely more politically astute.

Make your choice, PHB’s: Poop…or purr.

Longoria’s Obama Endorsement
Hopes to Capture Doofus Vote

By Jim Berlin

In a presidential election, celebrity endorsements – specifically TV and movie stars — are solicited by both candidates for a simple reason: the vote of a doofus counts exactly the same as that of a genius.

If you’ve always wondered if you are a doofus but were afraid to ask, here’s a test: (l) I am going to vote for Mitt Romney because Clint Eastwood recommends him, or (2) I am voting for Barack Obama because that foxy Eva Longoria says it’s the right thing to do.

If you answered yes to either question you are a doofus. Or, if you prefer, a dimwit.

Now, Clint Eastwood is a terrific actor and director and Eva Longoria is a terrific fox, but their opinions on subjects outside their profession are no more informed than yours or mine. They are not privy to special insider information available only to the entertainment industry. They do not know anything that we do not know.

They are simply famous. Which, as the ancient Romans used to say, doesn’t mean squatus.

Oddly enough many celebrities would disagree. Because they are accustomed to being idolized and rarely criticized by the doofus masses, they begin to view their

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opinions on virtually everything as suitable for bronzing. I suspect Eva Longoria pictures herself as one smart cookie. In her defense, she is a terrific fox.

But most movie and television stars become stars by acting, i.e., reading words written by other people. Smart other people.

The doofus is incapable of drawing a distinction; if Eva is speaking, the words must be her own. Therefore she is smart. Therefore I will vote as she suggests.

Don’t be a doofus. But then, if you are a doofus, you won’t know it until it’s too late.