Barack Changes Name to “Buck”:
Message to Putin:”I’m No Pussy”

By Jim Berlin

White House reporters were stunned Wednesday when press secretary Jay Carney said the president wishes to be identified as “Buck” Obama – not Barack – in all future news stories.

“Michelle and his closest friends have always called him Buck in private,” Carney said, “and the president just feels it’s a better fit.”

Washington insiders say the name change is a direct response to rumors that Russia’s Vladimir Putin often refers to Obama as “that little pussy.”

“That little pussy did nothing when I took Crimea,” he reportedly told aides, “and that little pussy will do nothing when I take eastern Ukraine.”

The perception of manliness is paramount in Russia and Putin likes to boast that he has “all the punches in my Man Card.”: former KGB agent, a black belt in judo and photos galore of him hunting dangerous game and firing a variety of weapons with easy familiarity.

Mr. Obama is a former community organizer, has several black belts by Ferragamo,

confessed to sometimes getting queasy while picking through steaks at a supermarket, and refers to a rifle barrel as “the skinny part where a bullet comes out of a hole.”

When asked later in the news conference why the president has rejected Ukraine’s pleas for weapons to fight the Russians, Carney claimed the issue is still under advisement.

“That was Barack who said No to giving them guns,” Carney said. “Buck Obama is going to hold meetings on the subject – many, many meetings – and really talk about it a lot.”