Why Did Romney Lose?
Mom, Dad, God and Santa.

By Jim Berlin

Ultra-liberal Elizabeth Warren, newly-elected in Massachusetts to the U.S. Senate, waxed poetic when attacking Mitt Romney’s assertion that “corporations are people.”

Not so, she said. People laugh, dance, cry, make babies, eat peanuts and defecate (I made the last two up), while corporations do none of these things.

But corporations, of course, are composed solely of people, people who do all those people things. They are not lifeless stacks of legal papers or the brick and mortar structures that house them as they toil. So, when measures are taken to encourage the growth and vitality of corporations and businesses in general, it is people who are being helped.

Liberals cannot make this intellectual leap. They demonize big business as enemies of the poor folks who are just trying to dance and laugh and get along.

Which brings us to the word “government.”

Half of Americans do not picture the federal government as people, but as some beneficent, super-intelligent entity that exists to guide and cushion their lives.

The government knows best. The government will take care of them.

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The government is a loving Mommy and Daddy who will give them things just because it loves them.

For them, for half of Americans now, people like Barack Obama and Elizabeth Warren and all their liberal colleagues are the human faces of that word government. They are Mommy and Daddy and Santa Claus and maybe even a bit of God all rolled into one.

It’s how the election was won.

Harvard Prof Elizabeth Warren
Mounts Unicorn for Senate Race

By Jim Berlin

Harvard law professor Elizabeth Warren, democratic candidate in Massachusetts for U.S. senator, was a cultural diversity dream come true when she was hired fulltime in 1995.

Harvard acquired not just a female professor, but a Native American female professor. “Our only regret,” confided a member of the administration, “was that Elizabeth wasn’t gay. Imagine it: our very own female Native American lesbian law professor. Talk about the Harvard holy grail!”

The problem with Warren is she may be a member of the infamous Wannabee tribe, the only band known to have captured, domesticated and successfully milked the unicorn.

I suggest this because the Senate hopeful’s claim to Indian ancestry is based solely on personal “family lore” that her great-great-great grandmother was a Cherokee. Even if true – and the New England Genealogical Association found no supporting evidence – Warren would be just one-thirty-second Native American.

One-thirty-second. Yet it is enough for her to say that if elected to Ted Kennedy’s old seat, she would be the first U.S. senator in history with “Native American heritage.”

One-thirty-second. Yet she would have us picture her awash in The Old Ways, scraping buffalo hides with a sharp stone, padding cat-like through the forest in deerskin moccasins, dancing gracefully about the campfire to the beat of Cherokee drums.

There is also the question of what happened to the other 97 percent of Elizabeth Warren, her western European heritage — English, Scotch, Dutch – that makes her look so typically Caucasian.

How white is she? If Warren were to pose with President Obama in front of his residence, we would wonder why he is standing next to an empty dress floating in midair.

The Warren Cherokee controversy struck me as a simple arithmetic problem. So to resolve it I contacted a renowned member of the Harvard School of Mathematics, Dr. Algo Rhythm.

image from http://www.breitbart.com

“Doctor,” I began…

“Please, call me Algo,” Rhythm said.

“Algo, let’s suppose I have total assets of $31,250, and maybe I do and maybe I don’t. Can I call myself a millionaire?”

The professor punched the numbers into a calculator. “I’m sorry,” he said, “but $31,250 is only one-thirty-second of a million dollars. You cannot call yourself a millionaire.”

“But millionaires are cool and I really want to call myself one,” I pleaded.

“See the people at our Law School,” he said. “They’re pretty loose with numbers over there.”

Elizabeth Warren milked the unicorn, and she carried a cup of the magical liquid to Harvard Law School, and they drank eagerly from it, and they called it good.

Now she is offering the stuff to Massachusetts voters, and ultimately the U.S. Senate.

Just what America needs right now: more unicorn milk.