Hillary Clinton Groped Me
…My Nightmare in the Sky

By Jim Berlin

Nothing is more painful for a man than to admit he was the victim of female sexual assault, but I can remain silent no longer: In 1980 on an airliner somewhere over Arkansas, I was forcibly groped by the current Democratic nominee for president.

Traveling in my police uniform on official business, I’d been bumped to first class in Atlanta by a kindly desk agent who said her son was also a cop. An hour later we briefly stopped in Little Rock, Arkansas, and a woman in her early 30s took the empty seat next to mine.

I quickly introduced myself, but she hesitated before replying: “I’m, ahh, Pillory,” she said. “Pillory Minton.” The nightmare had begun…

I fell asleep immediately after takeoff – only to be jolted awake sometime later by a violent tugging on my…well, that private and sacred organ beneath my belt buckle. I think you know what I mean.

Pillory, wild-eyed and sweating, had covered us with a blanket and was muttering “Hot-diggety-dog, hot-diggety-dog!” as she went vigorously about her sordid business.

“What the hell are you doing?” I managed. “Shut up, big boy!” she hissed. “I love a man in uniform and I just can’t help myself!”

Bewildered, confused, I refastened my zipper, flung the blanket aside and stumbled from first class in search of a flight attendant.

“You don’t look well, sir. Are you all right?”

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“That woman next to me, Pillory Minton, she just…”

“Oh, you mean Hillary Clinton, the First Lady of Arkansas. She’s the governor’s wife.”

Oh, what to do, what to do? Who were they going to believe – an ordinary cop or the First Lady of Arkansas? Trembling, traumatized, I took a seat in coach for the rest of the flight.

When we deplaned in Miami, Hillary Clinton caught my eye, put a finger to her lips, then passed the finger over her throat in a cutting motion.

Believe me: I got the message.

Hillary Can Run…
But She Can’t Hide

By Jim Berlin

Since announcing her presidential candidacy April 12th (not in person, but with a slick video), Hillary Clinton has avoided the press like a bank robber running from the law. She has refused to answer any question about anything.

Her silence on national issues and personal controversies doesn’t bother those referred to as “low-information voters” (dummies). Most low-information voters live on the public udder, the milk pumped into their little birdie mouths by Democrats in exchange for loyalty on election day.

And loyal they are. If a video were to surface showing Mrs. Clinton choking a little dog to death with one hand while slapping an infant silly with the other – all the while screaming “I hate puppies and babies and hope they all die!” – the dummies would still vote for Hillary.

And so will Democrats with brain cells similar to those entombed in the skull of Nancy Pelosi. Just as she told her colleagues they would have to pass Obamacare to find out what’s in it, they will vote for Hillary just to find out what’s inside her head.

Unfortunately for candidate Clinton, Republicans, independents and Democrats who are neither dummies or Pelosi-brained

are going to require Hillary to actually answer questions sooner or later.

Even The New York Times, which has carried the Clintons’ water like a Bedouin camel for 25 years, has begun satirizing her for acting like a surly teenage girl pouting in her bedroom.

You can run, Hillary, but if you want to be president of these United States…you can’t hide.

 

Democratic Choice for 2016:
Either Hillary or The Circus

 By Jim Berlin

The Democrats should consider putting Hillary Clinton on mandatory bed rest until 2016, because if she is not their presidential candidate, here are the clowns waiting in the wings…

Clown Number One: Joe Biden.

The man is simply not bright enough to be president. If he were the night light in your tiniest bathroom you would trip over the toilet and fall into the tub.

Former Defense Secretary Bob Gates says the vice president has been wrong on every major foreign and national defense issue over the last 40 years. Joe even argued against the operation that killed Osama bin laden.

Clown Number Two: Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren.

Here’s all you need to know: On the sole strength of her improbable and non-verifiable claim to be one-thirty-second Cherokee, she sells herself as “the first Native American to serve in the U.S. Senate.”

One-thirty-second? You can become one-thirty-second Native American just by driving

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through a reservation. If you simply shake hands with an Indian you will collect enough of his DNA to become a one-thirty-second.

To Elizabeth Warren’s credit – and this is the only thing I can think of – she has yet to claim she was suckled by unicorns as an infant.

Clown Number Three: New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo. Last Friday, Cuomo said those who are pro-life or anti-gay or supporters of gun rights “have no place in the state of New York.” Presumably, they will be required to leave on the next train out.

Hillary or the clowns. It’s why Democrats desperately pray for her continued good health.