$50B Cost of Hurricane Sandy
Just a Lousy Drop in the Bucket

By Jim Berlin

The government announced today that lost business and damages caused by Hurricane Sandy will amount to $50 billion. We are not impressed.

In fact if two trick-or-treaters were to come to your door tonight, one wearing a sheet and one dressed as $50 billion, you would give “best costume” award to the ghost.

“But I’m $50 billion!” says a quivering little voice.

“Not scary enough, punk!” we shout. “No candy for you!”

Americans don’t know what Big Money is anymore. Just lately there was $700 billion for the TARP bailout, $317 billion to Fannie Mae and Freddie Mac and $80 billion to the auto industry.

Fifty billion dollars for a record-breaking hurricane? That’s the same amount we hand out every year to foreign countries, most of which spit on us in volumes surpassing all the rainfall from Sandy.

And some of which, tragically, have killed several times as many Americans as Sandy did.

Our current national debt is $16 trillion, which breaks down to $51,000 for every U.S. man,

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woman, child and even a few dogs and cats. For those of us who pay taxes, it equals $141,000 per person.

You shrug. But what if Uncle Sam came to your door tonight dressed up as, well, Uncle Sam. And held out his hand. And said, “Hey, citizen, you owe me 141 thousand bucks – and I want it now!”

That would be scary, right? That would win best costume, hands down.

Well, one of these days that debt’s going to come due. And when it does, Hurricane Sandy will seem like a sweet April shower.

TV Helps Dumb Americans
Cope With Hurricane Sandy

By Jim Berlin

Millions of parents in the path of hurricane Sandy today were spared from fatally damaging their children’s psyche by an interview with a psychologist on ABC’s Good Morning America.

The theme of the segment was “How to talk to your kids about about the storm,” a subject on which moms and dads were clueless just prior to ABC stepping in to save them:

“Honey, Justin and Heather are worried sick over the hurricane. What can I tell them?”

“Lucky for us, Good Morning America just covered that very thing.”

“Thank God for TV people. Remember how we used to tell the kids to drink less water and exercise vigorously during a heat wave?”

“Live and learn, eh? Turned out you drink more water and shouldn’t exercise at all!”

“And that thing they taught us about thunderstorms?”

“Well, standing under a big tree sure looks like a safe place. Who knew?”

“And how about the dangers of

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driving through a flooded wash?”

“Well, gosh, how else can you get to the other side?”

“So what did Good Morning America say we should tell the kids?”

“We explain to them what a storm surge is, that we have a safety plan, and that sometimes in life things don’t happen the way they’re supposed to.”

“Wow.”

“I know. I was just gonna tell ‘em to bend over and kiss their butts goodbye.”