New Uncle Sam Ad Campaign:
Mexico is Magical, Amigo!

 By Jim Berlin 

They ridiculed Mitt Romney when he said many illegal Mexican immigrants would agree to “self deportation,” but that idea is actually more realistic than Donald Trump’s plan to round up all 12 million souls and send them packing.

The truth is, many illegals are lonely, jobless and weary of worrying about getting scooped up. Given the right government ad campaign, millions of Mexicans might well be convinced to go back where they came from.

For starters, here are four good arguments for self-deportation…

1) In Mexico everyone talks your language, amigo, so you’re going to feel muy contento. No more of those single-language gringos looking at you funny and saying, “You speakee the English, Pedro?”

2) If you love Mexican food – and why wouldn’t you? – the most authentic Mexican food is generally found right in Mexico itself. Taco Bell, Schmocko Bell. Go home and chow down on the tacos your madre used to make.

3) If you love mariachi music – and why wouldn’t you? – no country does mariachi like Mexico. When those dudes in the

silver-studded charro suits and broad-brimmed sombreros start rockin’ their guitars, trumpets and violins, you’ll be screaming “Viva Mexico!” and “Oi, Oi, Oi!”

4) You are already a bona fide citizen of Mexico, so how cool is that? No “going to the back of the line” for U.S. citizenship, no threat of sudden deportation, no looking over your shoulder for the Border Patrol and ICE agents and crazy rednecks with shotguns.

When you’re in Mexico, you are casa sweet casa, baby! And like Dorothy said, there’s no place like it.

 

Obama Smokes Pot, Shoots Pool
While Border Crisis Escalates

 By Jim Berlin

The photos of President Obama shooting pool and pounding beers in a bar with Colorado Gov. Hickenlooper (his real name) while the Texas border is awash in illegal immigrants only told half the story.

Marijuana is legal in Colorado, and an employee of the tavern said Obama and Hickenlooper (his real name) quietly stepped outside and smoked some weed after downing several beers apiece.

“It was the president’s idea,” said bartender Estelle Easypour. “He obviously had a buzz on and he whispered to the governor, ‘Hey, Hick, you got grass?’ Hickenlooper then took Mr. Obama by the elbow and they slipped out the back door.”

Before being shooed away by Secret Service agents, witnesses said Hickenlooper (his real name) pulled a baggie and cigarette papers from his sock. Both men rolled their own and “rode the reefer” for about 10 minutes.

“When they came back inside,” Easypour said, “they were giggling and demanding popcorn, peanuts, hard-boiled eggs, whatever. They really had the munchies.”

When asked by reporters if he had indeed smoked marijuana, the president was defiant. “Sure, I burned one, I blasted a roach, I did a doobie – so what? I’ve got a lotta crap on my mind with all that immigrant stuff in Texas. Hey, you guys got enough pictures?”

The president then flew on Air Force One to Texas, but refused to visit the border. “I have no interest in photo ops,” he explained.

As usual, no one understood what the hell he was talking about.