Could it be the folks in ISIS are cutting the heads off Christians, Jews and anyone else with a neck they don’t like simply because it’s the only work they can find?
In the span of 24 hours this week President Obama, John Kerry and State Department spokesman Marie Harf – all reading from the same scripted page – said lack of job opportunities for young Muslims is a main reason they become terrorists.
“If that’s true,” said McDonald’s CEO Macklin “Big Mac” McNuggets, “we’re going all in to solve the problem.”
There are thousands of McDonald’s restaurants across Europe and the Middle-East, McNuggets pointed out, and he is directing all franchisees to “Hire angry young Muslims first.”
“And we’re not just going to recruit potential terrorists,” he said. “I’m contracting with private pilots to scatter millions of leaflets across ISIS-held territories advertising job opportunities at McDonald’s.”
McNuggets revealed a draft of the leaflets – written in several Middle-Eastern languages – at a press conference held at McDonald’s corporate headquarters in Illinois:
Tired of killing for Allah? Looking for a real career with great employee discounts and benefits? McDonald’s wants you! Call the 800 number listed below and get on the path to financial security in the fast-food industry! (P.S. We don’t sell pork.)
The CEO concluded the press conference by paraphrasing the proverb about giving a man a fish, versus teaching a man how to fish:
“Give an angry young Muslim an AK-47 and a day later he’s just begging for more ammo and more infidels to kill. But teach an angry young Muslim how to flip burgers, and suddenly those same infidels are his customers. People he can smile at and say: ‘Welcome to McDonald’s, my brother!’”
I didn’t know what President Barack Hussein Obama would say when asked for his reaction to ISIS savagely burning alive the Jordanian fighter pilot shot down in Syria.
But I knew what he would not say. Despite the fact that the first letter in ISIS stands for “Islamic,” I would have bet my favorite Bible – the one encased in Florentine leather – that the word “Islam” would not fall from those presidential lips.
My Bible is safe.
Barack Hussein Obama referred to ISIS as “this organization” – which is how you might refer to AARP or the ACLU or even the American Legion.
In defense of Barack Hussein Obama, he apparently has yet to be briefed on the true nature of ISIS because he went on to say: “Whatever ideology they’re operating off of, it’s bankrupt.”
I want to help Barack Hussein Obama here, so I will tell him what ideology they are operating off of: the Islamic religion. Like I said, Islamic is their very first name.
In the near future I’m sure Barack Hussein
Obama will also say that his “thoughts and prayers” are with the grieving nation and family of the burned-alive fighter pilot. His thoughts and prayers have already gone out to the families of beheaded captives from America, Japan, Lebanon, France, Iraq and Syria, so we can only hope he has a large reservoir of thoughts and prayers.
We can also hope Barack Hussein Obama gets better briefings on ISIS and Islam, or maybe even does some reading on his own. Because it is a good thing when your president knows – and will actually say out loud – who the enemies of his country are.
It’s radical Islam, Mr. President. Say it after me: Islam, Islam, Islam.
No matter how common or esoteric your passion in life might be – kinky sex, knitting, stray animals, vampires – there is an organization you can join that is stocked with humans who share your enthusiasm.
There is even an outfit – The Orianne Society – that exists to protect snakes for godsake. Snakes, you recall, was the species specifically created by The Almighty to provide a fitting biological home for the devil after that whole Garden of Eden debacle.
But until 1999 there was no organized outlet for the estimated one percent of the human population known as psychopaths. These 70 million folks have a malformation in a crucial portion of the brain – the amygdala – which controls sympathy, empathy, remorse and conscience. Psychopaths experience none of these qualities. To them, the worst human suffering you might imagine is a Tom and Jerry cartoon.
The vast majority of psychopaths avoid committing violent acts because of their upbringing, environment, lack of opportunity or fear of punishment. But for many of them, all that changed In 1999.
That was the year ISIS was founded by the most violent collection of Islamic psychopaths alive. This week they beheaded a third American, adding to the tens of thousands of other humans they have
beheaded since their beginning.
There are 1.6 billion Muslims on earth, which means – if the one percent rule holds true – there are 16 million Muslim psychopaths around the globe. And now they have a club to join, a club that allows them to pretend they’re killing for Allah – when all they really want is an excuse to kill.
The emergence of ISIS in Syria and Iraq offers mankind a wonderful opportunity:
Thousands of the worst psychopaths in the world are now gathered in one place, operating under a single flag, just begging to sacrifice themselves for a deity they are incapable of loving.
I’m not saying our president has a Muslim prayer rug rolled up and hidden in one of his closets, but Islam could not have a better friend in the White House than Barack Hussein Obama.
The words “radical Islam” have never fallen from his lips. In fact to hear the president tell it there is no such thing as a Muslim who wishes to do America harm.
In the recent poll-driven speech when he pledged to eradicate ISIS (“IS” stands for Islamic State), Barack said the organization “is not Islamic” because Islam is “a religion of peace.”
What we have, then, is a president of the United States who is the only person in theworld who doesn’t know that ISIS is composed entirely of Muslims.
Like I said, I’m not suggesting the man has a prayer rug in his closet, but I’m betting he has uttered more kind words for Islam since becoming president than he has for the Christian faith he claims to embrace.
Can he be a Christian and rarely attend church? Yes.
Can he be a Christian who doesn’t celebrate Christmas with his family? Yes.
Can he be a Christian if he spent 20 years in the pews of Rev. Jeremiah Wright in Chicago before the media elected him president? The same Jeremiah Wright who said Blacks should not sing “God Bless America,” but “God Damn America”? Again…yes.
Jesus has arms that open wide enough to hug all kinds of Christians.
But when members of ISIS shout “Allahu Akbar” as they cut the heads from Americans or detonate suicide vests or slaughter Christian children, rest assured that is a Muslim battle cry.