Would Hillary Clinton Rather Be
The President or a Grandmother?

By Jim Berlin

When Charlie Rose asked a coffee-sipping Bill Clinton on “CBS This Morning” whether Hillary would rather be a grandmother or president of the United States, a startled Bill did a spit-take in his cup.

Poor, sweet Charlie. What a pretty little world must live inside his head.

While good grandmothers have a value well into six figures, the position is widely and easily attainable. To become one, a woman must simply bear a child and then wait until that child also becomes a parent.

In fact, the longing to be a grandmother isn’t even a choice. It is an involuntary extension of the maternal instinct, a hard-wired element in human DNA designed to keep our species up and running.

So…while grand-parenting can be joyous and gratifying, there is neither a shortage in the position or any special status attached to it.

The presidency of the United States, however, is a universe all its own. Hillary hungers for the job as a starving coyote hungers for a chubby rabbit.

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Charlie Rose is a nice guy, but he is another of those smiling, talking heads who – rather than speaking truth to power – is happy just sitting next to it. Tossing out softball questions, looking for answers to reinforce his naïve belief that politicians are just regular folks like you and me.

Would Hillary rather be a grandmother or president?

Even Bill choked on that one.

Brazil Soccer Game Murders
PR Nightmare for 2016 Olympics

By Jim Berlin

The Brazilian government, slated to host the 2016 Summer Olympics, has a huge public relations challenge on its hands after a soccer game incident last weekend. True story…

A referee named Otavio da Silva ejected a player, which led to a fistfight between the two men and ended with the ref stabbing the athlete to death.

For Brazil’s PR people, so far so good. Stuff happens.

“Ya’ll come to our Olympic Games, hear?”

But then enraged soccer fans stormed the field, stoned the referee to death and “quartered” him – as in separated his body into four equal parts. Quartering is what butchers do to a cow before reducing each portion to various cuts of meat. The significant word here is cow.

To the credit of the fans – and PR folks might have been able to work with this – after quartering the referee they did not fire up the barbie and eat him.

“Ya’ll come to our Olympic Games, hear? We’ll kill you but we won’t eat you.”

But alas, the soccer fans still had a little anger

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left in their tanks. In a rousing grand finale, they decapitated the referee and stuck his head on a stake in the center of the field.

“Ya’ll come to our – oh, never mind!”

What the government will say is that the fans who stoned, quartered and decapitated the ref – who had himself murdered a man minutes before – were just a few really rotten apples. But apples fall from trees, and where there are trees a forest may grow.

If they had just stopped short of sticking his head on a stake, we’d all feel a lot better about the next Olympics.

 

AMA Says Obesity a Disease
But Docs Offer Possible Cure

By Jim Berlin

Rather than a condition or disorder, the American Medical Association has officially designated obesity as a “disease.”  The reason? The AMA hopes to eventually require health insurers to cover doctor consultations and treatment of fat patients…

“Doc, I’m 50 pounds overweight! Why do bad things happen to good people?”

“Be of good cheer, my roly-poly patient. Clinical trials show this disease is caused by an over-accumulation of calories which may be related to eating. Fortunately, medical researchers have devised a treatment protocol – a cure.”

“Thank God, Doctor!”

“Yes, we’ve done it again. What you must do – now, write this down – is eat less food.”

“You’ve saved my life, Doc. How much do I owe you?”

“Not a penny. Medicare now covers this damnable disease – as well it should.”

Reports say the AMA is also planning to designate another common social malady as a disease – people who are considered to be “a pain in the ass.”

“We now know,” an AMA spokesman told me, “that some individuals who are abrasive,

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arrogant and stupid, cause all who meet them to experience severe discomfort in their anal nerve endings. In other words, these people are a pain in the ass.”

“And that’s a disease?”

“Yes, but we believe it can be treated – just as we treat obesity – through medical consultation. We can also prescribe medication which may lower their levels of arrogance and stupidity. That’s assuming, of course, they have health insurance. Lots and lots of health insurance.”

The AMA spokesman said doctors are also looking into Americans who display no fashion sense. “Dressing funny could well be a disease,” he said, “but more research is needed.”