No U.S. Military Aid for Iraq: Obama May Send Goats Instead

By Jim Berlin 

Shiite Muslims, Sunni Muslims, wild-eyed bearded men with ridiculous unpronounceable names – it’s all too much for Americans to understand.

What we do know is that despite years of training by U.S. troops and outnumbering al-Qaeda insurgents 10 to one, Iraqi soldiers are dropping their weapons like a hot pork sandwich and running home to their villages with a single burning question on their lips:

“Where’s my goat herd, dude?”

The al-Qaeda crazies threatening to conquer Iraq are not dropping their weapons because they believe their Sunni Muslim god is better than the Shiite Muslim god, and both gods are a damn-side better than the Christian god. They’ll get to us next.

But like the Iraqi soldiers, the insurgents have one love, one passion, that supersedes all of their murderous religious fanaticism: herding goats.

As one expert on Middle-Eastern men put it: “No matter what he may be doing – making love, eating, engaged in combat – he will drop everything if he sees more than one goat

standing unattended in a field. His DNA demands that he immediately herd the goats into a single unit and watch over them.”

And therein lies the solution to preventing the most radical Muslims in Iraq from conquering the just-a-little-less radical Muslims in Iraq. Instead of military intervention, President Obama must launch a massive airlift of goats, dropping thousands of the animals by parachute wherever the war is raging.

Soldiers from both sides will immediately throw down their arms and go back to being the one and only thing God put them on Earth to be: goat herders.