Harry Reid Loves Prisoner Swap
But First Family Still Fears Him

  By Jim Berlin

Barack Obama’s most ardent supporter on earth, Senate majority leader Harry Reid, today tearfully defended the president’s release of five dangerous jihadists from Guantanamo as an “heroic” action.

The Nevada senator’s emotional defense came as no surprise to Washington insiders. In 2008 Reid sought to legally adopt Mr. Obama, saying at the time, “I just want to be the daddy he never had.”

When Obama politely declined the adoption offer Reid countered by establishing a trust fund to finance the college educations of the president’s children.

“Now that we will accept,” Obama said. “But Creepy Uncle Harry, as the kids call him, still can’t come near us in the White House. The restraining order against him remains in effect.”

The “restraining order” refers to an embarrassing period in 2013 when Sen. Reid began loitering at night near the White House entrance to the Obamas’ private living quarters.

“I just wanted to get a glimpse of him,” Reid told Secret Service agents sent to investigate. “Maybe he’d see me and say something personal like, ‘Hi, Harry, how’s it going?’ I didn’t mean to scare the children.”

While the senator was clinically diagnosed in infancy as “non-human” (born with no trace of a personality), he becomes strangely emotional at any mention of President Obama. This has led to a game among the Washington press corps in which they unexpectedly shout “Barack” or “Obama” in Reid’s presence.

“It’s a gas,” one reporter laughed. “Harry’s thin little lips start to quiver, and suddenly he’s bawling like a big ol’ baby.

“It’s a sickness and we shouldn’t do it,” he continued, “but it’s the only evidence we have that the man’s not a robot.”