President’s New Jobs Plan
Written by Daughter, Malia

 By Jim Berlin

On Tuesday, shockingly just two weeks before Election Day, President Obama stepped up to a Florida microphone and proudly unveiled “A Plan for Jobs and Middle-Class Security.”

The Plan was a mere 20 pages long and included several blank pages with a heading at the top that read: “For comments, new ideas and doodling.” Reporters who received copies complained the ink was still wet, prompting the President to tell them, “Just wave it in the air a few times and it should be fine. If there are dry-cleaning issues, submit the bills to David Axelrod.”

What was not told to the press was the origin of the document, which as I said, comes shockingly just two weeks before Election Day.

“Funny story about that,” a source revealed. “A few nights ago the President went into his daughter Malia’s bedroom to kiss her good night. Well, he sees this typed report on her nightstand and asks her about it.”

According to the source, the following conversation ensued:

“It’s an essay for economic class, Dad. I just threw together all the stuff you talked about during the first campaign. I called it ‘A Plan for Jobs and Middle-Class Security.’”

“Catchy! Does it have my idea about hiring

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100,000 new math and science teachers and making rich people pay their fair share and building roads and bridges?”

“Oh, sure.”

“What about the shovel-ready jobs and getting 80 percent of our electricity from green energy?”

“Wind and solar, Pop – you bet. Damn that dirty coal, right?”

“Don’t cuss, Malia. Say, would you mind if I borrowed this? Maybe you could write something else for your class…”

“Dad, you always do this to me! Every time I come up with a good idea, you…”

“Hey, shush! You wanna keep this bedroom for another four years or not?”

Obama’s Need for Teleprompter
Not Debatable After Debate

By Jim Berlin

On the morning after Wednesday night’s presidential debate Barack Obama addressed an outdoor rally of adoring supporters at the edge of a Colorado lake.

Casually attired in a black jacket over an open-collar shirt, he was his usual charismatic self: spirited, animated, inspired – reeling off incisive retorts to arguments made by Mitt Romney the night before. Saying all the clever things he failed to say when his opponent pounded him tender like a piece of meat and slapped him on the griddle to fry.

And every word the President spoke at the Colorado rally…was read from a teleprompter.

An open-air rally, an adoring crowd, years of intimate familiarity with the issues, and he and his advisors still did not trust him to speak from the heart.

Or even from the head. The words that he spoke at the rally were not his own.

They were written by others who toiled late into the night to get them to the teleprompter on time. The teleprompter, of course, was absent the night before – an arrangement apparently so disconcerting for Obama that he sulked and grimaced for

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much of 90 minutes before an audience of 50 million.

Either Mr. Obama overestimated himself or underestimated Mitt Romney. It’s not a mistake he will make again.

The question is whether it will matter.

Debate number two? Again, no teleprompter for the President.

Grow Up: Obama, Romney
Not Running for Prom King

By Jim Berlin

I’m not going to break it to you gently: If you vote for either presidential candidate because he seems more “likable,” you would do the world a huge favor by not passing along your genes.

Seriously. Practice celibacy, use birth control, adopt – just don’t have any kids. America is already awash with people who base their vote on the same criteria they used when selecting the high school prom king: “OMG…Jason is so cute and dreamy. I so totally want him to be our prom king! OMG, OMG, OMG!!”

Listen to me here. We are not electing a prom king in November. We are electing a man who will lead the only country on the planet – the only one – capable of preventing despots, atheists, twisted religious zealots and people who are just plain evil from taking over the world.

People like that always want to take over the world, and for the last 100 years only this sweet land of liberty has stopped them in their tracks.

Put aside childish assessments of a candidate’s smile or sense of humor. Forget about which is more likable, accessible, or “seems to relate to us common folks.”

Neither Mitt or Barack will ever invite you over for Saturday barbecue. Neither Mitt or Barack will ever ask you to hang out.

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Neither. Ever.

But one of them will run this sweet land of liberty for the next four years. And you must decide: Which one thinks the America envisioned by men like Washington and Jefferson was a pretty damn good idea? And which one thinks preserving that vision, whatever the cost, is more important than themselves?

Both men conclude their speeches with “God bless the United States of America.” Look past the smiles and into their souls.