Obama to ABC’s Jon Karl:
“Why Are You So Mean?”

By Jim Berlin 

When ABC’s Jonathan Karl asked Mr. Obama on Monday whether Mitt Romney had been right in their 2012 debate when he said Russia was America’s main geopolitical foe (Obama mocked him for it), it marked the second time the reporter has annoyed the president with a tough question.

The first was back in September when Karl pressed and irritated Obama for not carrying through on his promise to punish Syria if it used chemical weapons. The president, who only expects hard questions from Fox News, approached the reporter after Monday’s news conference and Karl claims the following conversation occurred:

Jon, why have you been such a meanie lately? Why can’t you be more like Diane and George?”

“Diane Sawyer and George Stephanopoulos?”

“Yes. George always asks how our dog Bo is doing. You never ask me about Bo, Jon. Don’t you like my precious little dog?”

“I just figured he was okay, Mr. President.”

“And Diane, she can’t get enough news about my wonderful daughters Sasha and Malia and my wonderful wife Michelle. Have you got something against my wonderful kids and the

wonderful way Michelle and I are raising them…wonderfully speaking? And when’s the last time you mentioned my dazzling smile? Everyone but everyone talks about my smile – but not you Jon. What the hell is the matter with you anyway?”

“I’m just trying to be an actual news reporter, Mr. President.”

“Well, just think about this, Mr. Fancy Pants News Reporter! George and Diane are news anchors, not lousy news reporters. You know why, Jon? I’ll tell you why: Because they love my dazzling smile and my wonderful dog and my wonderful wife and kids. Think about that before you open your yap at the next press conference!”

Obama Says He Won’t Oppose
Return of California to Mexico

By Jim Berlin

Encouraged by President Obama’s tepid response to Russia’s takeover of Crimea, Hispanics in California are pushing for a statewide referendum in November on whether to secede from the U.S. and revert to Mexican ownership.

Operating under the slogan “It’s Fun To Be A Mexican,” the movement is being financed by Jose Rodriguez, millionaire owner of 10 Taco Bells and lead trumpeter of “The Sons of Pancho Villa,” a popular L.A. mariachi band.

“We have the brown hammer now,” Rodriguez said. “There are finally more Hispanics than gringos in California, and we long to lay our heads once again on the warm bosom of Mother Mexico. Viva Mexico! Viva Our Lady of Guadalupe!”

“I don’t have a problem with it,” President Obama told reporters. “California and other states were part of Mexico until the War of 1848, and frankly, that war kind of stunk. If the voters decide it’s time to correct this injustice, well, that’s how democracy works.”

Even without California, the president said,

“America has more land than it really needs. I mean, c’mon, 50 states, 49 states – what difference does it make?”

Mr. Obama cautioned, however, that he would not allow Mexican expansion beyond California’s borders.

“They can have Sacramento,” he said, “but I’ll be damned if they’ll get Las Vegas.”