Apology for Hospital Bombing
Sparks Orgasm in Oval Office

By Jim Berlin 

On Tuesday White House press secretary Josh Earnest said we would not apologize for the accidental U.S. airstrike on an Afghan hospital until investigations are further along.

That only made sense. First, Afghan soldiers had requested the strike, and second, anyone with an unbiased brain knows Americans don’t go looking for hospitals to bomb.

But Mr. Obama couldn’t stand the wait. On Wednesday he eagerly picked up the Oval Office phone and called the Doctors Without Borders chief to “apologize and offer condolences.” For good measure, our leader then phoned the president of Afghanistan to apologize a second time.

Presidential aide Joe Metuzzio, who was present during both calls, later confided to a reporter that Mr. Obama “appeared to experience an orgasm” while apologizing for the U.S. military.

“If he did,” Metuzzio said, “it would be the first known orgasm by a president in the Oval Office since Bill Clinton.”

Josh Earnest would neither confirm or deny that President Obama achieved sexual  fulfillment while apologizing twice for America in the span of a few minutes.

“I will say this, though.“ Earnest chuckled. “He sure had a big old smile on his face when he hung up the phone. Whether that was from you-know-what or just his normal joy over apologizing for the country, I’m not going to speculate.”

The press secretary did admit, however, that just moments after the apologies the president announced to the room that he was “dying for a cigarette.”


Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *