Is Biden Bright Enough
To Light the Oval Office?

 By Jim Berlin

Democrats who fear Hillary Clinton will have her baggy blue panties handed to her by voters if she is the nominee are begging Joe Biden to throw his hat in the ring.

As a candidate, Joe has one great asset and one great liability.

The asset: He’s the kind of guy you want on the next barstool or at the family BBQ or helping chaperone your kid’s birthday party.

He is the kind of guy who – if he showed up at your front door at midnight and asked to use your bathroom for a few hours because he had “the mother of all diarrhea” – you would say, “Sure, Joe. My house is your house. Cigar?”

The liability: Proper illumination in the Oval Office calls for a 100-watt bulb and Joe is, at best, a 60-watt. He might cast a warm, soft glow over the room, but he’ll never really light it up to America’s satisfaction.

Granted, just because you’re smart doesn’t mean you’re wise. But you can’t be wise without first being smart. And if Joe is smart, he is a master of disguise.

This isn’t to say that Biden – or any other well-meaning honest person — can’t win the democratic nomination and even the election. Barack Obama’s one true legacy is that he makes almost everyone else look better by comparison.

Even a 60-watt bulb in a 100-watt job.

As Dems Deny Knowing Obama,
The Cock Crows Itself Hoarse

 By Jim Berlin

Descendants of that cock that crowed when St. Peter thrice denied knowing Christ are being heard across America as Democrats fighting for reelection try to distance themselves from Barack Obama.

Take Colorado Sen. Mark Udall, who actually voted 99 percent of the time for the president’s policies in 2013. Those same lips so intimately familiar with Obama’s derriere parted to say this in a recent debate: “Let me tell you, the White House when they look down the front lawn, the last person they want to see coming is me.”

Michelle, peeking through the White House curtains: “Omigawd, here comes Udall again.”

Barack: “What’s he carrying this time?”

Michelle: “What else? A big bag of Hershey’s Kisses.”

Damnit! How many times do we have to tell him – ‘Mark, we only eat Godiva chocolates here.’ And every time he shows up with Hershey’s. He’s the last person I want to see coming across the lawn.”

Apparently Colorado voters are also tired of the senator and his Kisses. Like a majority of other incumbent Democrats suddenly denying their love for the president, he is trailing his Republican opponent by several points.

The roosters, like the chickens, are coming home to roost.

President Fails to Show Up At
“Presidential News Conference”

 By Jim Berlin

The only thing presidential about Barack Obama’s news conference Friday was that some networks called it a “presidential news conference.”

Obama came across as a tired and subdued middle-aged man treading water in a sea of self-pity: Despite his unceasing efforts to move the country forward, all his plans and dreams have been derailed at every turn in the track by “House Republicans.”

I suspect on his death bed decades from now, Barack will waste a few of his final precious breaths condemning “House Republicans” for his failed presidency.

In American history, where a president ends up on the scale of lousy to great is almost solely determined by whether he can convince and cajole the opposition into getting things done. It is the art of diplomacy and compromise, a balancing act of projecting the power of the pulpit with at least the appearance of humility and good intentions.

Nothing in Barack Obama’s work experience

prior to the White House required diplomacy or compromise. And nothing since has convinced him he needs them now.

His idea of “reaching across the aisle” is to lean over and slap someone.

So what we get is a presidential news conference with no real president in attendance.

Just a tired middle-aged man who can’t get anything done – and may never know the reason why.

Shinseki Rules Out Suicide
Over V.A. Hospital Scandal

By Jim Berlin

When a South Korean ferryboat capsized last month and over 300 high school students drowned, their school principal – in the Asian tradition of ultimate accountability – committed suicide.

Aware of the practice, President Obama immediately phoned Secretary of Veterans Affairs Eric Shinseki when news broke that over 1,000 veterans have died while awaiting treatment at V.A. hospitals…

“Eric, you’re Japanese, right?”

“My parents are Japanese, Mr. President, but I was born in Hawaii just like you.”

“Close enough. I just wanted you to know you’re no more responsible for this V.A. mess than I am as Commander-in-Chief. Stuff happens. And, well, you know, I wouldn’t want you to be too hard on yourself and do something rash.”

“I’m not going to resign, if that‘s what you’re asking.”

“Heavens no! I was more worried about that Japanese thing you people do when you think you’ve fallen down on the job.”

“Get depressed? No, Mr. President, I’m not

depressed at all. Like you said, stuff happens.”

“Great! But we at least have to be angry. I’ve already told Jay Carney to announce that I’m ‘madder than hell.’ It would be good if you also said you were mad as hell.”

“I’ve already taken care of it, sir. I told the press just today that I’m mad as hell.”

“Excellent. When important people like you and me use common phrases like ‘mad as hell,’ everyone believes us. It shows we’re feeling accountable.”