Millenials’ Love for Bernie:
Someday They’ll be Sorry

 By Jim Berlin

The human race is actually a slow walk, an endless column plodding through time. Each day some of the oldest marchers falter and fall by the wayside, only to be replaced by fresh young faces at the end of the line.

And each generation of those fresh faces believes itself the first humans of consequence to inhabit the Earth.

They acknowledge their parents and grandparents, of course, but the old folks’ major contribution was to bring this finest of new generations into existence: Thee generation – finally! – with all the answers.

The current crop of fresh faces are called Millenials (ages 18 to 34) and they have lined up like lemmings behind Bernie Sanders.

Bernie has promised them not only free breakfast, lunch and dinner, but free college, free health care and a complimentary weekly massage by a masseuse with magical fingers.

The old people in the human race know that Bernie is blowing unicorn smoke up those

eager young noses. But wisdom is wasted on the elderly; their voices never carry to the back of the line.

But as I said, the human race never stops plodding. To their sad surprise the Millenials will eventually see their hair grow thin and gray as the line lengthens behind and grows shorter ahead.

And one day, surely, they will recall their brief flirtation with Bernie and wonder…

What the hell were we thinking?

People Who Live in Bubbles
Elect Lousy U.S. Presidents

 By Jim Berlin 

Far too many Americans spend their entire lives bouncing about in tiny bubbles of self-interest, their brains engaged in little beyond sex, the next meal, the next paycheck, the next Big Game and the state of their health.

“Bubble People” are like boats without tiller or sail, swept along from birth to death by those who set the nation’s course and choose the ports of call.

Bubble People have no real knowledge of politics, politicians or current events. They dine exclusively on tasty sound bites and slogans, the opinions of colleagues and neighbors and the pronouncements of a tipsy Uncle Joe at the family barbecue.

Bubble People are the millennials flocking to Bernie the socialist – eyes glazed over by FREE! – unaware that socialism’s foundation is governmental control of every facet of American life.

Bubble People are the champions of Donald Trump, the spoiled little rich kid who wears arrogance and ignorance as badges of honor. (Donald resides in the largest bubble of all.)

Bubble People are the Hillary-huggers who tell themselves her “good” qualities outweigh her near-pathological dishonesty.

(Dishonesty poisons the well; nothing good can ever come from it.)

But here’s the saddest thing about the Bubble People: In close presidential elections they can be the margin of victory that puts an inferior and even dangerous candidate in the White House.

That’s how we wound up with Barack. And – if good people do nothing – that’s how we could wind up with Bernie or Donald or Hillary.

Democratic Choice for 2016:
Either Hillary or The Circus

 By Jim Berlin

The Democrats should consider putting Hillary Clinton on mandatory bed rest until 2016, because if she is not their presidential candidate, here are the clowns waiting in the wings…

Clown Number One: Joe Biden.

The man is simply not bright enough to be president. If he were the night light in your tiniest bathroom you would trip over the toilet and fall into the tub.

Former Defense Secretary Bob Gates says the vice president has been wrong on every major foreign and national defense issue over the last 40 years. Joe even argued against the operation that killed Osama bin laden.

Clown Number Two: Massachusetts Sen. Elizabeth Warren.

Here’s all you need to know: On the sole strength of her improbable and non-verifiable claim to be one-thirty-second Cherokee, she sells herself as “the first Native American to serve in the U.S. Senate.”

One-thirty-second? You can become one-thirty-second Native American just by driving

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through a reservation. If you simply shake hands with an Indian you will collect enough of his DNA to become a one-thirty-second.

To Elizabeth Warren’s credit – and this is the only thing I can think of – she has yet to claim she was suckled by unicorns as an infant.

Clown Number Three: New York Gov. Andrew Cuomo. Last Friday, Cuomo said those who are pro-life or anti-gay or supporters of gun rights “have no place in the state of New York.” Presumably, they will be required to leave on the next train out.

Hillary or the clowns. It’s why Democrats desperately pray for her continued good health.

 

President Prepares for Debate
With Help of Richard Simmons

By Jim Berlin

Barack Obama enlisted the aid of an unlikely source – fitness guru Richard Simmons – to help him prepare for tonight’s second presidential debate with Mitt Romney.

Simmons, dressed in matching red shorts and tank top imprinted with little blue Democratic donkeys, waved and stuck out his tongue at reporters as he entered the President’s hotel early this morning. Asked by a reporter why he was there, Richard yelled, “I’m going to teach Barack ‘the chicken dance.’”

“It’s true,” senior campaign advisor David Axelrod said later. “The President realized he needed to be more alive and animated this time around and Richard immediately came to mind. He and Mr. Obama spent most of the morning working out together in his suite.

“And as you might imagine,” Axelrod laughed, “there was a lot of screaming and butt-slapping going on. The two of them really hit it off.”

Speaking later with reporters, a still-perspiring Simmons confirmed he did indeed teach Obama how to do “the chicken,” a dance done to polka music and often performed at weddings. “We even had live music,” he said. “My friend Salvatore Mosconi brought his accordion and just played his heart out!”

Simmons said he and the President exercised side-by-side in front

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of a full-length mirror and Obama was quick to pick up the intricacies of the dance. “I taught him all the moves,” the fitness icon said. “The beak, the wing flap, the tail wiggle, the clapping – then we linked arms and twirled around the room. The man is just a wonderful dancer!”

When it was over, Simmons said, Obama thanked him profusely and said he hadn’t felt so energized in months.

Axelrod admitted some people might think it strange the President would prepare for a crucial debate by dancing and working out with Richard Simmons. “But that’s the difference between Obama and the Republican challenger,” he said.

“I guarantee you, Mitt Romney will never learn to do the chicken.”