Paul Ryan Convention Speech
Convinces Obama: Joe Must Go

By Jim Berlin

Even Democrats conceded that Paul Ryan’s rousing speech at the Republican Convention Wednesday was proof he’ll be a formidable running mate with Mitt Romney.

So formidable, in fact, reports have surfaced that President Obama phoned Joe Biden only   minutes after Ryan ended his address: “Joe, you saw it, Ryan’s speech?”

“Oh, yeah. What a doofus, huh? I can’t wait to open up a can of old-fashioned Biden whup-ass when I debate him.”

“About that, Joe. How’s your health? Been feeling poorly lately?”

“Never felt effin better, sir. Did I tell you how I’m going to open up a can of old-fashioned…”

“I want you to know, Joe, I’ll understand if you have to withdraw from the race for, uh, personal reasons.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying, Mr. President? Who could possibly debate Paul Ryan better than me?”

“I’m thinking Elmer Fudd, Joe. I got him on his cell during a late-night rabbit hunt

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and he’s agreed to join me on the ticket.”

“A rabbit hunt? Elmer Fudd?”

“Yes, he’s still after that wascally wabbit. But once you get past his bunny fixation he’s a very bright guy.”

“Elmer Fudd? You’re replacing me with Elmer Fudd?”

“It’s for the good of the party, Joe. He just gives us a better shot in the debate.”

 

America’s Most Dangerous Man

By Jim Berlin

The most dangerous man in America has been right under our noses for the last four years, and he could well be under our noses for another four.

And the irony is he’s a nice guy. He’d be fun at the family barbecue and make for a rock-solid friend. You could trust him with your kids, your wife or your girlfriend.

But Joe Biden is still the most dangerous man in America – not for anything he’s done but for what he could do: He could be President of the United States, Commander in Chief of the most powerful army on Earth, leader of the only country on the planet capable of keeping the enemies of democracy in check.

We were put in this position by the hubris of Barack Obama. Like most young men of talent he assumes he is one of God’s favorite sons, destined to grow old gracefully and die in his sleep.

So we end up with a guy named Joe, a lightweight intellect with an undisciplined mouth, separated from the presidency by the fragile 10 ounces of a single human heart.

Unfortunately, hubris crosses party lines and is not confined to the young. John McCain was just as careless with America when he chose a running mate while she was still a political adolescent.

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When selecting their Number Two, presidential hopefuls need to embrace the tradition of the Roman emperor Marcus Aurelius. Legend has it he appointed a person to accompany him in public, whispering in his ear each time he received a compliment: “Remember, you are just a man.”

And, the whisperer might add: “Men die unexpectedly. Choose with America in mind.”