Paul Ryan Convention Speech
Convinces Obama: Joe Must Go

By Jim Berlin

Even Democrats conceded that Paul Ryan’s rousing speech at the Republican Convention Wednesday was proof he’ll be a formidable running mate with Mitt Romney.

So formidable, in fact, reports have surfaced that President Obama phoned Joe Biden only   minutes after Ryan ended his address: “Joe, you saw it, Ryan’s speech?”

“Oh, yeah. What a doofus, huh? I can’t wait to open up a can of old-fashioned Biden whup-ass when I debate him.”

“About that, Joe. How’s your health? Been feeling poorly lately?”

“Never felt effin better, sir. Did I tell you how I’m going to open up a can of old-fashioned…”

“I want you to know, Joe, I’ll understand if you have to withdraw from the race for, uh, personal reasons.”

“Are you saying what I think you’re saying, Mr. President? Who could possibly debate Paul Ryan better than me?”

“I’m thinking Elmer Fudd, Joe. I got him on his cell during a late-night rabbit hunt

and he’s agreed to join me on the ticket.”

“A rabbit hunt? Elmer Fudd?”

“Yes, he’s still after that wascally wabbit. But once you get past his bunny fixation he’s a very bright guy.”

“Elmer Fudd? You’re replacing me with Elmer Fudd?”

“It’s for the good of the party, Joe. He just gives us a better shot in the debate.”